Man With a Mission

The voice on the telephone, as advertised, is “urgent and foreboding,” and in spite of himself the listener snaps to.

“That’s what you’re supposed to do,” the voice says, pleased with itself. The man behind the voice identifies himself as Robert Johnson. His mission (he chose to accept it) is to interrupt idyllic retirement on Molokai, Hawaii, to tape a set of “instructions” for “Mission: Impossible” team leader Jim Phelps on the new show. At least, that’s what he says.

He’s hard to pin down, this “Johnson.” Claims he got the original job after many auditions: “They thought, I think, that I sounded reasonably believable, and I wasn’t somebody everyone recognized.”

Before the TV gig? “I’d done a little acting and announcing, a lot of singing--basso roles in and around L.A. I was with Guild Opera when we sang every year at the Shrine Auditorium for thousands of kids: Mozart, a little Rossini. And I sang with the Roger Wagner Chorale all over the hemisphere.” Or so he says.

“As always,” Johnson says as always on the show, “should you . . . be caught or killed, the secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. . . .” So who is the secretary? “I’ve interpreted that to mean that I’m speaking for myself.” OK, secretary of what? Who does Johnson really work for? “In invisibility, it’s at least three layers below the CIA; that’s all I’m authorized to tell you.” So, is it all right to photograph Johnson, as long as it’s done in shadow? “Sure. I look much better that way.”

Just one more question: Suppose Phelps chooses, just once, not to accept the assignment? “Oh, he always does. Jim likes to do silly things.” But just if? “He would self-destruct.”

Document Photographer Is a Real Prince--in Triplicate

Depending on the state of one’s purse, $10 can be a pittance or a pair of shoes. To Bill Heimanson’s clients, it’s more often the latter.

Heimanson runs a small fingerprint/photo/notary business on Wilshire. For the prints and photos generally required for a number of government documents, he charges $10. Considering materials and labor, he reckons, “I’m just a hair above breaking even. I do a lot of photo work outside. Besides, my rent here, in this little hole (in one of the Art Deco buildings in Miracle Mile), is reasonable . . . .”

He won’t raise his prices, though. For one thing, “I have a soft spot for Latinos. I fell in love with a Latina. Her parents forbade her to marry a Jewish man. What can you do?” For another, “These poor families come in, literally in rags,” he says. “I feel sorry for them.

“First it was amnesty, then green cards. A new set of prints and photos for each process. Then they get royally (rooked) for clinical tests: TB, whatever. Affidavits. IDs. Filing fees. For them, it seems endless; even the $10 I have to charge represents food, bus fares, a pair of tennis shoes. A lot.”

Wanting to help more, Heimanson “put the touch on Uncle Percy and he said, ‘Here, have $200.’ ” That’s Percy Ross, whose “Thanks a Million” column, syndicated in about 200 newspapers, provides help for worthy individuals.

“With Percy’s ($200 worth of) film and my labor, I can do free photos for a lot of people; charge ‘em only $5 for the prints,” Heimanson says. After that? “Back to $10, I guess. Of course, if someone else would contribute, we could keep this going indefinitely. . . .”

Bubble, Bubble, Toil and the Trouble With Witches

She had only an hour to make her point, and she darn near did it.

That the two Grimm brothers, 19th-Century spinners and recyclers of fairy tales, were sexist is almost a given. That their book illustrators were even more so, especially vis-a-vis witch/cannibals, has to be demonstrated.

Dr. Ruth Bottigheimer,--author, professor, authoritative reaper of the Grimm oeuvre,--gave a talk last week to a class at Pomona College. Subject: “The Faces of Evil.” Teaching aid: a series of slides stoutly supporting the contention that witches are old, gaunt, arthritic, hook-nosed--and women.

Bottigheimer necessarily narrowed the subject range. “What is universally acknowledged as evil?” she asked rhetorically. “Cannibalism: There are few circumstances in which it’s acceptable. I mean, you don’t do it because you like the taste of children.” Drawing from four tales including “Hansel and Gretel,” the professor noted that female cannibals were graphically and gruesomely drawn, while in the sole example of a male cannibal, his features are never shown. “Further,” Bottigheimer said, “male evil, at least in cannibal form, doesn’t occur until well into the 20th Century.”

So who’s to blame for the 150-year popularity of the brothers Grimm? “Artists had editors,” Bottigheimer said, “but the final filter is the buying public.” Which includes women? “Yes,” admitted the professor. “The female might not have bought the books, but she surely condoned their content.”