THE NFL / BILL PLASCHKE : Some Highlights From Season, for Better or Verse

It was the year of Favre and Harbaugh and Bono,

And Barry holding his face while crying, “Oh no!”

We loved the Lions, Bills and Pack.

While ever fearful that Al will come back.

We learned a new definition of hell,

Noun: To be stuck in a room with Art Modell.

Irvin, Moore and Rice were real beauts.

And Tarkenton’s whines were a hoot.

So here’s to the champs and the chumps

And to Tagliabue; will he ever get off his rump?

Without further ado or bad rhyme,

Our third annual awards, just in time.

MOST VALUABLE PLAYER: Brett Favre, quarterback, Green Bay Packers. Who knows, maybe this will convince him to shower.

PLAY-ACTION FAKE OF THE YEAR: Before their final home game, five members of the Kansas City Chiefs, including starters Derrick Thomas, Neil Smith and Will Shields, thrilled the crowd by singing the national anthem.

You could hardly tell they were lip-synching.

PARIAH OF THE YEAR: Sterling Sharpe of ESPN. Because he was so rude as a player, some of his new co-workers refused to work with him, while most NFL folk in press boxes conspicuously turned their backs to the TV whenever he appeared. No wonder he will return to football if his neck passes a physical exam next month.

TOUGHEST MAN: Mark Schlereth, Denver Bronco guard, who played against the Oakland Raiders only hours after passing a kidney stone.

BIGGEST WIMP: Paul Tagliabue, NFL commissioner, whose legacy will forever contain his answer when asked of his position on the proposed move of the Cleveland Browns.

“I don’t have a position,” he said. “I’m the commissioner.”

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR: Curtis Martin, New England Patriot running back, who not only led the AFC in rushing with 1,487 yards, but found time to attend the birthday party of a young fan during the middle of the season.

How did the little boy arrange it? He walked up to Martin after a game, introduced himself and handed him an invitation. Having nothing better to do on the appointed day, Martin showed up, ate cake, and played party games.

WORST ROOKIE: Mark Fields, New Orleans Saint linebacker, the 13th overall pick who couldn’t even play for the league’s 22nd-ranked defense.

HARD HEAD OF THE YEAR: Dennis Erickson, Seattle Seahawk coach, whose team kicked the ball to Chief returner Tamarick Vanover at the start of the last game of the season--and watched him return it 89 yards for a touchdown.

This was after Erickson had been victimized by a 99-yard touchdown return by Vanover on the opening kickoff in the first week of the season.

All of which came three years after Erickson, while still a coach at the University of Miami, was nailed by an opening kickoff return for a touchdown by a feisty Florida State freshman.

Kid by the name of Vanover.

FLOP OF THE YEAR: Rick Mirer, Seahawk quarterback, who nearly tripled his interceptions from last season (20, from seven) while dropping his passer rating to a career-low 63.7.

HORROR OF THE YEAR: When asked about how her family fled Cleveland after her husband announced the move of the Browns, Pat Modell complained that she was so rushed, “I forgot to take the contents of my safety deposit box, can you believe that?”

She said she was, however, able to salvage 12 wardrobe boxes of clothes.

COACH OF THE YEAR: Dom Capers, Carolina Panthers. Let’s see you win seven times with an expansion team that played every game on the road.

WORST COACH STILL WORKING: Dating to last season, Rich Kotite of the New York Jets has lost 20 of his last 23 games.

BEST STRATEGY: The decision by Marc Trestman, San Francisco 49er offensive coordinator, to use Jerry Rice out of the unfamiliar slot position against the Dallas Cowboys. Rice scored on an 81-yard pass play in the first 1:01 and the 49ers’ season was saved.

WORST STRATEGY: In an early season game against the Chiefs, Arizona Cardinal defensive coordinator Ronnie Jones called a play that would prevent a naked bootleg.

At the last moment, Buddy Ryan overruled him and changed the call.

Twenty seconds later, Steve Bono had completed the longest touchdown run by a quarterback in NFL history, 76 yards on a naked bootleg.

MAGICIAN OF THE YEAR: Dan Marino, Dolphin quarterback. After completing passes to 54 receivers in his record-setting career, he finally found a new target on Nov. 12 against the New England Patriots.

Himself.

Thanks to a tipped pass, it was Marino to Marino for minus-six yards.

SORE LOSER OF THE YEAR: After getting the raw end of an on-field fight with Dolphin linebacker Bryan Cox, Carwell Gardner of the Buffalo Bills ran to the Dolphin team bus afterward and begged Cox to step off so they could continue the brawl.

MODERN-DAY MAN OF THE YEAR: When Patriot Coach Bill Parcells was asked if he talked to his family before deciding to return for another season, he said, “They’re not the ones who are working. I’ll talk it over with Judy [his wife] when I say, ‘OK, get the boxes packed.’ ”

COORDINATOR OF THE YEAR: Emmitt Thomas, Philadelphia Eagle defensive boss, who turned castoffs and misfits and three guys who didn’t even play football last season into the league’s fourth-ranked unit.

UN-COORDINATOR OF THE YEAR: Dave Campo, defensive boss of the Cowboys, for refusing to change a zone scheme to accommodate football’s greatest man-to-man cover guy. You remember Deion Sanders.

BEST CHEER: The Arrowhead Stadium fans in Kansas City--all 79,000 of them--point at opponents during a fight song and chant, “We’re going to beat the hell out of you, you, you-you-you-you.”

BEST CHEERS: Before every opening kickoff at San Diego Jack Murphy Stadium, the scoreboard displays a video clip from a “Cheers” episode in which pencil-tapping Norm inspires the entire bar to rhythmically clap and chant, ‘We will, we will, rock you.”

You can guess what the San Diego crowd does.

SURVIVOR OF THE YEAR: Adam Walker will be the 49ers’ starting fullback in the playoffs after being cut nine times in his three-year career.

Can you simply forget that he dropped six passes and fumbled twice in the last two regular-season games?

RAIDER ENEMY OF THE YEAR: Mike Flaherty, a manager at Mile High Stadium, wins a crowded competition with this quote after the Raiders accused the Broncos of soaking the field and putting Vaseline on the ball during a 27-0 Bronco victory.

“We have not manipulated the field,” Flaherty said. “As far as the Vaseline, I think it might have come from Al Davis’ hair.”

ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE: Joel Bussert, a league official, phoned the Pittsburgh Steelers twice to warn them that they were violating the spirit of the third quarterback rule by playing Kordell Stewart at running back and wide receiver.

MOST CHARITABLE TEAM: On a flight to Seattle to play the Seahawks, the Chargers passed the hat and collected $3,000 in bail money so linebacker Lewis Bush would not be thrown in the slammer by Washington police on an old drunk-driving charge.

INJURY OF THE YEAR: Darren Perry, Steeler safety, cut his toe on his bed on Halloween night, forcing him to miss practice. He didn’t say whether the bed was moving.

MOST OVERPAID PLAYER: Quarterback Craig Erickson of the Indianapolis Colts made $2 million this year, or $40,000 per completion.

MOST UNDERPAID PLAYER: Terrell Davis, Bronco rookie running back, finished third in the AFC in rushing yet made $119,00, the lowest salary on the team’s active roster.

EJECTION OF THE YEAR: Alvin Harper, Tampa Bay Buccaneer receiver, was thrown out of a game for arguing moments after he caught a touchdown pass.

BRAIN EJECTION OF THE YEAR: Months after some league officials pleaded with insensitive owners to ban bandannas, the Cowboys passed them out to 64,876 fans in celebration of Deion Sanders’ first home game.

ONE-GAME WONDER: Rod Smith, Bronco receiver who caught the game-winning 43-yard touchdown pass from John Elway in the final seconds against the Washington Redskins in the third game.

He didn’t catch a pass for the next two months, and only five for the rest of the season.

GAME OF THE YEAR: The Chiefs’ 29-23 overtime victory over the Chargers on Monday, Oct. 9. It was decided by the first overtime punt return for a touchdown (Vanover) in NFL history, and was so emotional, even the winner wept.

BAD GAME OF THE YEAR: The Saints’ 12-0 victory over the Jets in front of 28,885 at Giants Stadium on the final Sunday of the season. There were seven more fumbles and interceptions than touchdowns. There were 14 punts.

And Jet running back Adrian Murrell achieved what was previously thought to be a statistical impossibility: nine catches for 12 yards.

Read one sign: “Jets Fans Don’t Throw Snowballs, They Throw Up.”

WORST SIGN: When Brown Coach Bill Belichick realized that there had been a bomb threat against the Browns’ training complex, yet Modell had failed to tell him or the players about it.

PLAY OF THE YEAR: On HBO’s wonderful documentary about the old AFL, there is a clip of a fan in a raincoat running onto the field, lining up at inside linebacker for the Boston Patriots, and knocking down an end zone pass by Cotton Davison to save a 28-21 victory over the Dallas Texans in 1961.

The clip was discovered in the attic of Chief owner Lamar Hunt. The identity of the man remains a mystery.