His Wish, His Command: Baseball’s Ken Griffey...

His Wish, His Command: Baseball’s Ken Griffey Jr. asked to be traded from the Seattle Mariners so he could be closer to his home in Florida. “In his first move since joining the Anaheim Angels, new General Manager Bill Stoneman announced he’s moving the team to Orlando.” (Jerry Perisho)

Poor Thing: Heidi Fleiss has declared bankruptcy. “They released a list of her assets. Apparently, she has $200 worth of clothing, $500 worth of jewelry and $40 on top of the dresser.” (Steve Voldseth)

*

The Essential

David Letterman

Part of a Day in the Life

of Pat Buchanan

9 a.m.: Speaks to breakfast meeting of Reform Party leaders.

12:15 p.m.: Accuses Taco Bell Chihuahua of taking jobs away from American dogs.

4 p.m.: During speech, refers to Satan as “a misunderstood genius.”

6:30 p.m.: In touching ceremony, insults only ethnic minority not previously offended by him.

7 p.m.: Invades Poland.

7:30 p.m.: Bowling with David Duke, Marge Schott, Kurt Waldheim and Mark Fuhrman.

8 p.m.: Tae-Bo.

*

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.