LAUGH LINES

Kiss ‘n’ Make Up: “According to a new book, 63% of men say they like to settle an argument by having sex afterward. That should liven up the presidential debates.” (Jay Leno)

Private Matters: “Madonna is now begging people to respect her privacy. Yeah. Because you know when you think privacy, you think Madonna.” (David Letterman)

In the Bag: Monica Lewinsky sold her handbags at a Fifth Avenue boutique to customers who waited in line for hours. This is good news for Hillary Clinton. New Yorkers really will buy anything.” (Argus Hamilton)

Easy Come, Easy Go: “Lewinsky hired a personal trainer, then fired the guy the next day because he talked to the press about it. Poor guy . . . one minute you think you have a job for life and then nothing.” (Leno)

No Thank You: Michael Jordan said he doesn’t want any new endorsement deals after his current TV commercials expire. He’s tired of being upstaged by Bugs and Daffy. Former President Bush had the same complaint about the 1992 debates.” (Hamilton)

Wherefore Art Thou: “India is like Clinton’s nightmare: 400,000 square miles without a McDonald’s.” (Letterman)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.