LAUGH LINES
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Take a Hike: “Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan raised interest rates half a point. He said he did this due to rising wages . . . so, ‘thank you,’ cast of ‘Friends.’ ” (Jay Leno)
The Big 3-0: Naomi Campbell celebrated her birthday recently. “Her friends threw her a party. Only another model would be able to figure out how to put 30 birthday candles on a grape.” (Jerry Perisho)
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The Essential
David Letterman
Top Hillary Clinton
Campaign Slogans
10. Because No Clinton Has Ever Disgraced the Office of Senator.
9. I’ll Try Not to Misplace or Shred Important Legislation.
7. If You Slept With My Husband, the Least You Can Do Is Vote for Me.
6. I’ve Loved Every One of the 17 Days I’ve Spent Here in New York.
4. Vote for Me or I’ll Have Bill Poison Your Water Supply.
3. Never Indicted . . . Knock on Wood!
2. I Can Run New York . . . Hell, I Ran the Whole Country!
1. Wait Till You See the Scandals I’m Planning!
Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.
