She Was Really Giving Thanks for Breath Mints

I felt badly for Salma Hayek, the biggest game of the year and the Lakers giving her seats just 20 or so feet away from where I was sitting--like she could really concentrate on watching Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant.

Staples Center official Tim Harris apparently noticed the same thing, and asked if I would mind coming over and meeting Salma after the first quarter, and while I was obviously busy and on deadline, I wanted her to enjoy the evening.

Now normally I don’t pop in a breath mint every time I’m going to meet one of these sportswriter groupies, but I didn’t think it would be polite to have bad breath when I told Ed Norton to get lost.

As I made my way over to her, I noticed several fans in the crowd, including Jeanie Buss, pointing, smiling and getting a real kick out of Salma’s chance to finally meet me, and I got a feeling for a minute what it must be like to be George Clooney.

As you might expect, Salma jumped out of her seat before I could get to her--grabbing my hand and putting her cheek right alongside mine. I’ve been married for 29 years, so I’m a little out of practice when it comes to kissing a woman, so if she was waiting for me to put one on her, I let her down.

But while we were standing there cheek to cheek--she whispered into my ear: “Thanks for giving my career a boost,” and I saw no reason to tell her I try to do that for everybody in L.A.

I know Norton also had something to say, too, but frankly I couldn’t understand why he was still there.

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THE GROCERY store bagger said he would give anything to be at the Laker game last night to watch Michael and Kobe play against each other.

I asked for my daughter’s hand back.

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I’D LIKE to report the bagger had a great time at the game last night, while now I can live happily thereafter, but after giving it a great deal of thought, the bagger called to say I’m still going to have a wedding to pay for next year.

One consolation: I’m sure my daughter had him sitting there with her last night in front of the TV watching the men’s short program in figure skating instead of the basketball game.

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ALMOST EVERYONE else in town was here for the big game, including a pair of USC associate athletic directors who had first-row seats near the Lakers’ bench. I would have suggested auctioning them off for the new arena building fund on campus, but that’s just me.

Maria Shriver was here without Arnold, and David E. Kelley was here without Michelle, but I don’t like to start rumors.

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AS FOR the basketball game, the play on the court didn’t match the playoff buzz in the arena until there was one minute remaining in the third quarter--Kobe stealing the ball from Michael and going the length of the court for the basket and the three-point play after being fouled by Tyronn Lue.

The Lakers had fallen behind by 20 points in the third quarter with Kobe trying to be the consummate team player, but then Kobe began to assert himself, and with a little more than nine minutes remaining in the fourth quarter, the good guys were ahead by eight.

With less than six minutes to play, Kobe and Michael began exchanging shots at each end of the court, and this was why everyone had come. Michael had 20 points and Kobe 19, and then Kobe put on one of those MVP moves to make it 21 with Jordan coming back to post 22. Then it was Kobe versus Michael one-on-one, everyone in the place coming to their feet, and Kobe drilled a bomb to finish with Jordan’s number--23, and I was having so much fun I forgot to wave goodbye to Salma. I hope she gets over it.

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IT’S ONLY February, but I believe we already have the Bogus Story of the Year for 2002--with news the Pasadena City Council has unanimously approved a three-year plan to lure an NFL team to play in the Rose Bowl.

The ridiculous and not-very-well-thought-out plan calls for an NFL team in another city to pay for the renovation of the Rose Bowl and then pay rent to use the stadium so the Rose Bowl doesn’t go out of business.

When Rose Bowl GM Darryl Dunn was asked who will pay for this new NFL playpen, Dunn said, “Not us.”

NFL owners also don’t like the word “renovate.” The Rose Bowl will have to be demolished and completely rebuilt to lure a team here. The Rose Bowl folks said they have talked to the NFL, and have received encouragement to move forward.

The NFL makes a practice of encouraging everyone to work on its behalf to stimulate competition and get a better a deal.

The folks at the Rose Bowl, while making a media splash over nothing, are not only naive when it comes to understanding the NFL landscape, but clueless if they think NFL owners are going to form a line to help them stay in business.

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THE NICE thing about Tiger Woods pulling out of the Nissan Open this week is there should be plenty of parking available now.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in an e-mail from Steven:

“I’m probably one of the very few who find your articles entertaining and funny. Will you ever post a complement in the e-mail you use for your ‘Last Word?”’

Yes, I give you this complementary e-mail from Angel Ventura: “You are a complete fool, and you do a fantastic job validating this fact every time you print a column.”

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T.J. Simers can be reached at [email protected].