LAUGH LINES

Muddy Waters: “The EPA has completed a study on the dumping of toxic sludge into the Potomac River, [saying] the toxic sludge is good for the river’s fish population because it protects them from fishermen. They are so mutated, nobody wants to catch one.” (Ira Lawson)

Always a First: “There was an explosion recently at the factory where they make Viagra. When asked about it, a spokesperson for the company said, ‘At the risk of sounding like one of our customers, I swear this has never happened before.’ ” (Conan O’Brien)

Dirty Dancing: “In Louisville, Ky., a federal judge has struck down a law that prevented nude dancers from getting closer than three feet. He said they can get as close as they want. Let’s face it: As far as guys are concerned, once the woman is naked, the dancing is really a nonissue. Have you ever been to the parking lot of a strip club and hear guys coming out saying, ‘Oh, I liked the lighting and the music but the choreography was ... just terrible.’ ” (Jay Leno)

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