Dodgers Go to Bat to Fix Things

It was last August at Chavez Ravine, and I had just missed two innings while standing in an ATM line because I couldn’t pay for a hot dog with a credit card, during which time one of the Dodgers had rolled an ankle on that stupid rubber warning track, and now the video jukebox was twisting heavy metal while Nancy Bea Hefley sat at her organ knitting an afghan and ...

Anyway, I wrote a list:

Eight Things That Stink About Dodger Stadium.

Penned it while waiting in the parking lot for the gates to open after the Dodgers had taken batting practice.

Edited it while waiting half an hour for a postgame elevator.

Handed it to the Dodgers, told them I was going to write a story from my perspective as a partial season-ticket holder who has spent 16 summers making wrapper airplanes while chewing on a wooden spoon.

Told them they could reach me at the most underrated great ballpark in America.

“I’ll be in Anaheim,” I said.

“Funny,” they said.

Well, anyway, the Dodgers got hot, the pennant race arrived, I never wrote the story, completely forgot about it. I was too busy making another list, Eight Things That Stink About Moneyball.

Then, this spring, the Dodgers called.

“Those eight things?” they said.

“Um, er, yeah?” I said.

“We fixed them.”

“Oh, c’mon!”

“No, seriously, we fixed them.”

These being the new Dodgers, I obviously needed proof, so, with the stadium opening this weekend for the new season, I drove over Thursday for a quick tour.

They fixed some of them. Not all. But they fixed five of the eight things, a .625 batting average, which means they’re trying.

Of course, in the revamped stadium, there are some revamped things that stink.

If you are one of the field-level seat holders moved back by those four new rows behind the dugout, you are going to be absolutely furious.

There will be heads partially blocking your once-perfect view. Home plate will seem miles away. It’s not going to be pretty.

However, if you are rich enough to afford some of those new seats, you are going to be ecstatic. Sitting down the left-field line, it felt as if I was actually sitting on the left-field grass.

It is so close, the combination of a distracting cellphone call and an overeager right-handed hitter could put a foul ball in your face. On the other side of the field, the danger is heightened when you throw in Milton Bradley.

But, hey, you can escape in the Dugout Club’s new martini bar, whatever the heck that is.

But I digress.

The Eight Things That Stink About Dodger Stadium, and How They Sort of Fixed Some of Them.

* Fans cannot watch Dodger batting practice because, saving money on security, the Dodgers do not open the gates until 5:30.

Fixed. Actually, it was fixed late last August, when the gates opened at 5 p.m. and fans were allowed to hang out down the left-field line watching batting practice until 5:30, when they were herded to their regular seats.

“The fans spoke, and we listened,” said Marty Greenspun, the Dodger vice president who joined the club last summer. “It just made sense.”

* Fans cannot buy concessions with credit cards.

Fixed. Credit cards can be used at all concession stands now, which also only makes sense. Wasn’t one used to buy the team?

* There are not enough automated teller machines at the park.

Fixed. They added four, for a total of nine, meaning fans won’t miss long stretches of the game because they forgot to bring cash for the vendors.

Last season, the wait could last as long as two innings, except when Jason Schmidt was pitching for the San Francisco Giants. Then it was six innings.

* The dumb-looking rubber warning track is too dangerous.

Fixed. The stadium once again has dirt warning tracks, adding a safe, old-fashioned touch.

“We listened to the players,” said Greenspun, although Dave Roberts’ voice didn’t last long because he was dumped.

* Friday night games need to start later than 7:05 because of traffic.

Fixed. The starting time will now be 7:40, a huge difference for fans who would generally miss one inning. Or, if Schmidt was pitching, four innings.

* It is unfair to fans to shut down one elevator after the game simply to bring players up to their cars.

Not fixed. Not going to be fixed. The Dodgers say that by the time most players leave the ballpark, the game has been over for 45 minutes and most fans are gone.

Um, anyone ever heard of “Fireworks Night?”

“We do have a circulation issue in the stadium,” acknowledged Greenspun. “But in this case, we think most of the fans have already left.”

* Too many ads on the outfield walls.

Not fixed. Worsened.

The cool Dodger player montages are being replaced with two more ads, bringing the total to six.

If only we could be certain that Frank McCourt would use revenue from those ads to help pay for new, real players.

* It is unfair that pavilion customers don’t have access to a basic baseball concession, namely, beer.

Not fixed. Not going to be fixed.

I don’t drink, but it doesn’t seem fair not to allow adults in the cheapest seats the same basic privileges enjoyed by the rest of the fans.

The Dodgers say it is about the kids, and that’s hard to argue.

“It’s important for us to have a place that’s a family environment,” Greenspun said. “Our pavilions are that place.”

I added one other issue later in the season, too late to be part of the original list.

During their awful between-innings jukebox poll, when fans vote on one of three obnoxious songs to be played, why not include the organist as one of three choices?

The Dodgers, being good sports, agreed Thursday to include her.

Thus, in honor of our baseball preview coverage today, I will make this one and only one preseason prediction:

Nancy Bea Hefley will finish first, and it will not be close.

Bill Plaschke can be reached at [email protected]. To read previous columns by Plaschke, go to latimes.com/plaschke.