Walsh had matters planned to very end

It seemed a little offensive when TheOnion.com summoned the West Coast offense with the fake headline, “Pallbearers Move Bill Walsh’s Coffin Down Church Aisle In Series Of Short, Precise Passes.”

But as it turns out, Walsh indeed scripted his own memorial services in elaborate detail with the help of a former public relations expert for the 49ers, the San Francisco Chronicle reported.

In the nine months before he died of leukemia, Walsh held countless meetings with Kirk Reynolds to plan today’s funeral, where Joe Montana, Steve Young, Eddie DeBartolo and Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.) will be among the speakers.

On Friday, a public memorial is scheduled at 65,000-seat Monster Park, remembered as Candlestick during Walsh’s heyday as coach of the 49ers.

The site is one detail Reynolds kept from Walsh.

“I didn’t want to freak him out,” said Reynolds, saying Walsh didn’t believe the public would come.

Give Reynolds credit for the final audible.

Trivia time

Who was the last National League player to win the triple crown?

Still a Duck

Everybody knows Scott Niedermayer is a great hockey player.

Turns out he is a true duck defenseman in every sense of the word.

The Anaheim captain is considering retirement, but in conjunction with People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, he recently sent letters to members of the Chicago City Council urging them not to repeal the city’s ban on foie gras, which is made from the fatted livers of ducks and geese.

“As an Anaheim Duck, I hate to see real ducks tortured so that a handful of wealthy chefs can serve their diseased organs,” Niedermayer wrote.

“As you know, foie gras is produced by ramming long pipes down birds’ throats in order to pump large quantities of grain and fat into their stomachs. This force-feeding causes the birds’ livers to become diseased and engorged. Then the birds are killed, and their diseased livers are sold as foie gras.”

Adding that “leadership and courage are as important in politics as they are in hockey,” Niedermayer closed by asking the council to “please uphold this compassionate law.”

You know which one

Rick Majerus, the former Utah basketball coach -- and ever so briefly the USC coach -- has returned to the bench at St. Louis, and still tells stories on himself better than just about anybody we know.

Years ago, he checked into a hotel where Paul McCartney was also staying.

Majerus, who struggles with his weight, was headed out for a morning jog when he discovered the area lined with ropes to control the crowd, the Basketball Times recounted. But when a boy recognized Majerus from his basketball camp and asked for his signature, everyone swarmed.

“Who’s that?” somebody asked.

“It’s one of the Stooges,” a guy yelled.

That’s the way Majerus tells it, anyway.

Attention, athletes

Overtime magazine, or OT as it likes to be known, lands in the office mailbox occasionally, touted as “the business and lifestyle guide for professional athletes.”

Inside are ads for luxury watches, the Rochester Big & Tall store and a moving company that specializes in wealthy clients, as well as stories on marketing your own image.

Here’s the one that caught our eye, although it’s a bit late for Ben Roethlisberger and Kellen Winslow Jr.:

“Riding Cycles Safely.”

Trivia answer

Joe Medwick of the St. Louis Cardinals, in 1937. He batted .374 with 31 home runs and 154 runs batted in.

And finally

This is an oft-told tale, though we can’t vouch for it. The story goes that Medwick, while on a USO tour by a group of players during World War II, was given an audience with Pope Pius XII.

“Your Holiness, I’m Joe Medwick. I, too, used to be a Cardinal.”

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