Tips on Avoiding Disgrace

SEATTLE — Prof. Edward Gross offers these methods to keep from disgracing yourself:

* Prevention. Gross cites the example of a University of Washington official who accidentally knocked over a cup of coffee onto a blueprint of a 10-year university plan, wiping out the stadium, gym and everything else.

“If you know you are going to make a presentation, for goodness’ sake, don’t have a cup of coffee sitting in front of you,” Gross says.

* Reduce the significance of embarrassment.

Gross recites the case of a 4-year-old boy who fell off the toilet seat and got wedged between the toilet and wall. He looked up with rather plaintive eyes at his baby-sitter and said, “That’s my favorite thing to do.”

* Try to change the meaning of what happened. Gross says his name is potentially full of embarrassment, until he tells people it comes from a German word meaning “important” or “great.”

* Manage your identity. “You can say, ‘It’s not the real me,’ ” Gross says. President Ronald Reagan was a master at this, he says, assuming the identity of a comic bumbler to cover up flubs.

* Enlist the help of another person in overcoming the situation. If a guest spills wine on the tablecloth, Gross says, “the hostess can reduce the individual’s embarrassment by deliberately invoking his assistance in cleaning it up.”