Ten Alternative Punishments for Paris

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In the spirit of appropriate retribution, here are 10 punishments more fitting to her multi-year crime spree against entertainment consumers:

1. Hilton will be forced to spend 45 days with her new court appointed BFF with whom she’ll be wearing matching outfits and friendship bracelets: Melinda Doolittle. (Kevin Winter / Getty Images)

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2. Hilton will be banned from shopping at Whole Foods and Bristol Farms for 45 days. Instead, all food will be bought at Jon’s and Food 4 Less where only generic brands may be purchased. No cupcakes! (Lisa Poole / AP)

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3. For the next 45 days Hilton must wear a sack over her head when leaving the house. No photos ever. Period. (Kevork Djansezian / AP)

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4. Instead of being locked away where the public cant taunt her, Hilton will instead be forced to pick up trash on the side of the road, scrub toilets (a la Naomi Campbell) and/or perform doggie duty for all attendees at the Mulholland pooch park. (Bryan Bedder / Getty Images)

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5. Hilton will no longer be allowed to use the first name Paris. The public will address her as Sarah, Anne or Mildred Hilton. (Carlo Allegri / Getty Images)

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7. The only clubs Hilton will be authorized to attend are book clubs. And not Lady O’s or Adrian Greniers. Perhaps a book club at a community rec center in, say, Tarzana? (Ringo H.W. Chiu / For the Times)

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8. For 45 days all of Hiltons wardrobe will be furnished by Wal-Mart. (Steven Senne / AP)

By Deborah Netburn and Joseph A. Kapsch

June 8, 2007 12 AM PT

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Times Staff Writers

The majority of the public seems to think Paris Hilton belongs back in the clinker. The heiress herself may disagree as she yelled, “Mom, mom, it’s not right” when she was carted back to complete her sentence.

In the unfolding media frenzy, it seems Hilton is on trial not for the listed driving offenses but for smirking at the public for years.