The Times’ NBA rankings

BEN BOLCH’S RANKINGS, COMMENTS THROUGH SATURDAY

THE GOOD LORD AND ALL HIS DISCIPLES COULDN’T BEAT THEM
1. CHICAGO (40-10) Tom Thibodeau gets to 100 wins about as fast as Bulls fans took to Michael Jordan. (1)
2. OKLAHOMA CITY (36-12) Replacing Reggie Jackson makes Derek Fisher ... Mr. March? (2)
3. MIAMI (35-11) Ronny Turiaf takes his talents to South Beach without raising ire of Cleveland fans. (3)

?THE EGGS ARE COOLIN’ AND THE JELL-O’S JIGGLIN’
4. SAN ANTONIO (32-14) Spurs should get a group discount on retired jerseys over next few years. (4)
5. ORLANDO (31-18) Recalibrated “Dwight Watch” has 462 days until 2013 free agency period. (5)
6. LAKERS (30-18) Texas two-step gets back on track after going astray against Rockets. (6)
7. INDIANA (28-19) Ejected Frank Vogel glad he wasn’t around to see Paul George miss layup at buzzer. (7)
8. ATLANTA (29-20) Hawks hope to borrow promo campaign from Braves: “One Crazy Summer.” (11)
9. MEMPHIS (25-21) Who’s calling the shots around here, fan bloggers? Well, actually ... (9)
10. PHILADELPHIA (27-21) Doug Collins would probably trade in all 400 wins for the one thing that matters: a title. (8)
11. DALLAS (28-22) Playoff matchup with Lakers might result in a different kind of sweep. (12)
12. CLIPPERS (27-21) Virgin America partnership ensures slumping team soars no matter what. (10)

THROWS UP A PRAYER ? IT’S ANSWERED!
13. UTAH (26-22) Jazz will always have a chance to be a Cinderella story with Sidney Lowe on sideline. (17)
14. DENVER (26-22) Injury-plagued Danilo Gallinari putting the hurt on Nuggets’ chances for high seeding. (13)
15. HOUSTON (26-23) Rockets think Derek Fisher’s destination is fitting since they consider him just OK. (14)
16. BOSTON (25-22) Home game against Washington Wizards guaranteed to be a triple-’W.’ (15)

NOT PHI BETA KAPPA
17. PHOENIX (24-24) Suns’ dalliance with .500 nothing more than a spring fling. (16)
18. NEW YORK (24-25) Woodsonity doesn’t have the same ring, but it’s working out well for Knicks. (22)
19. MINNESOTA (23-26) Season’s looking more and more like lost cause after Ricky Rubio goes down. (18)
20. MILWAUKEE (22-26) Bucks may decide missing playoffs better than alternative to first-round Chicago sweep. (21)
21. PORTLAND (22-26) Raymond Felton may have become more unpopular in Rip City than the Lakers. (19)
22. GOLDEN STATE (20-26) Warriors might want a trade-deadline do-over. (20)

COULDN’T BEAT THE SISTERS OF MERCY
23. CLEVELAND (17-28) Cavaliers need extra sessions on how to receive proper return on investments. (23)
24. SACRAMENTO (17-31) Paul Westphal, J.J. Hickson -- who’s next scapegoat for imploding franchise? (25)
25. DETROIT (16-32) Rumors of Pistons’ demise greatly understated. (24)
26. TORONTO (16-33) Raptors could use some reinforcements on Canadian Forces Appreciation Night. (26)
27. WASHINGTON (11-36) Nene finding it hard to inject life into a team that seems without a pulse. (28)
28. NEW JERSEY (16-34) Tears at final Prudential Center appearance next month will be ones of joy. (27)
29. NEW ORLEANS (12-36) Forward Jason Smith set to audition for UFC role during two-game suspension. (29)

HAS TWO CHANCES, SLIM AND NONE, AND SLIM JUST LEFT THE BUILDING
30. CHARLOTTE (7-39) Yay! One more victory erases chance of having NBA’s all-time worst win percentage. (30)